Once upon a time there was a happy, handsome young prince named Teenager. He knew that he was young, and he definitely knew that he was handsome, but he did not know that he was happy, for verily, he did not have a chariot.
"Woe is me!" He cried out in great agony, "For I have no chariot. And my mother, the Evil Queen, refuses to purchase one for me."
Alas, it was true! His mother was evil and she was the queen, and she would not purchase the said chariot.
"Hah, hah, ha," she cackled. "Half! Thou shalt not purchase an automobile until thou bringeth me half of the gold! Hah, ha ha!"
Indeed Teenager was very, very sad for he knew not how he would accomplish such a deed.
"Oh, the agony!” cried Teenager, for he was indeed in great pain. "She who holds half the gold makes a full pain in my butt!"
"A job!" cackled the Evil Queen again. "Get thyself a JOB!" Bwah, ha, ha!"
With the weariest of sighs and eyerolling, the teenager set off to find himself a job. He journeyed far beyond the kingdom to Pizza Palace where he learned to make magic pies.
There he worked with fire and gold and even learned to wield a magical tool called a "mop." Soon he found that he had finally gathered enough gold to purchase his fine chariot.
Valiantly, the teenager searched every corner of the kingdom for his perfect chariot, until one day, he found it! Princess Jetta! She was small and quick, and of the darkest green, and got great gas mileage! And when Prince Teenager tried the key, it fit!
"You have done well, fine Prince," proclaimed the Evil Queen, "But you are warned, be certain to hoard closely a portion of your gold, for chariot repairs may be needed."
But like most Princes of his kind, teenager did not heed the warning of the wise queen. Instead, he squandered his gold on such frivolities as X-Box and trips to Fast Food Land.
And one day, the Prince fell prey to his own folly.
“Ma!” cried the voice on the other end of the tiny magic phone, “I’m broke down on the side of route 88.”
“Fear not, Prince! Check thine supplies carefully! Is the cauldron completely full with Magic Elixir?”
"Well, Duh, Ma--I mean--Verily fine queen, I have done as you nag! My chariot has indeed been bewitched!"
It took all the supremacy of the Evil Queen’s powers to suppress the ferocity of the imprisoned monster, Itoldyouso, but she had years of experience in preventing his escape, so she sent Sir Tow Truck to rescue poor teenager.
As the Evil Queen relinquished much gold to the wise Wizard at Ye Olde Repair Shop, she asked for his magical diagnosis of Princess Jetta’s recent demise.
Wise Wizard struggled to suppress his laughter, ”Actually Ma’am, it was out of gas.”
